The Last Windrow: Doctor's words lead to a good chuckle, I think

Jun 04, 2023

"I've got some good news and I've got some bad news."

Such were the words that came from the doctor who had just performed a colonoscopy on me one day last week. Doctors tend to be noncommittal in their conversations when they relay what they've found upon examination of a human being.

Intrigued by his statement, I asked him to elaborate a bit.

"Well, the good news is that we found nothing out of normal," he said. "The bad news is that you won't have to undergo another one of these procedures for the rest of your life."

I asked him why that was bad news?

"Well," he said with half a grin on his face, "it means that you have attained the age where you will probably outlive whatever you may develop from here on out! That's the bad news."

We both chuckled at his attempt at comedy, but in the back of my mind I saw the Grim Reaper approaching my driveway. I'm not sure if I came away from that appointment feeling better or worse.

Growing up on the farm, except for my mother needing the hospital and doctor care in the delivery of my five siblings and me and my sister breaking her arm, we never needed to go to a doctor for anything.

My dad and granddad prided themselves in saying they never even took an aspirin for any pain.

And, on the farm there were many occasions when pain was inflicted where an aspirin might have helped a bit. In their eyes, going to a doctor was a sign of weakness. Later in life they conceded that maybe seeing a doctor wasn't the worst idea in the world.

Personally, I made it to my mid-50s without seeing much of a doctor.

I had a doctor sew my face up after taking a hit from a thrown baseball bat in country school. Stitches were made in one wrist after I inadvertently placed it on window glass while lifting a cast iron bathtub off the floor. I had a boil lanced from my neck, but no other critical care was needed to keep me moving.

Entering my 60s, the wheels began to come off the wagon. Blood pressure medication, cholesterol medication, blood thinner, pain medication and dry scalp lotion have been introduced.

I've got corrective lenses on my face and insoles in my shoes. From one end to the other, I'm medicated.

My granddad would have had a fit. He pulled bad teeth with a pliers.

When I hit 68, I had my right hip replaced. That's a joy. But, I must admit that the surgery did eliminate the need for me to sit down after taking two dozen steps.

I now have a pacemaker clicking electricity to my heart.

In other words, I'm almost a walking Megatron.

So, the good news is that my colon has a new lease on life. The bad news is I don't know how much life is left in me. The doc and I had a good chuckle.

But, importantly, get that colonoscopy if you're in the younger-than-me mode. It's a pleasure.

See you next time. Okay?

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